![]() Try your best not to spend a lot of time agonizing over the question of, “Why?” There is probably no good way to protect yourself from doing this.Don’t clean up your child’s room or their belongings until you are ready. Try not to make any big decisions for at least a year.See how you feel that day, and do whatever feels right to you then. Holidays can bring up a lot of complicated feelings after a loss. Plan ahead for holidays, or have several alternate plans, depending on how you’re feeling.You don’t have to prove, or show, how sad you are to anyone. Let those close to you know it will probably happen, and have them protect you as much as possible. When you go back to work, make sure you have a safe place to hide when you have a meltdown.Eventually I will accept your invitation.” You have a “pass.” If you are invited somewhere, and don’t want to go, you can say something like, “I’m not up to it, but please keep asking. Do whatever feels comfortable for you, and don’t do anything you don’t want to do. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.Knitting, reading, cooking, cross word puzzles, yoga, reality TV, painting. Figure out what you liked to do before your child died. It wasn’t always easy, but in the end, it helped. As emotionally shattered as I was, I continued to go. Before my son died, my daily routine included going to the gym. When you’re ready, re-connect with your regular routines.I took a friend with me for support each time. If I had a doctor’s appointment, I asked a friend to call in advance to tell the doctor what had happened, because I couldn’t bear the thought of answering the typical question, “So did anything important happen this year?” As another example, I’m a lawyer, and eventually after my son’s death, I had to appear in court for clients. Let your friends provide support in whatever ways you or they can think of.If you don’t have the energy to do it yourself, have a close friend find the appropriate therapist or support group for you. My husband and I continued to see our couple’s counselor. After my son died, I found a therapist for my surviving son, as well as a grief counselor for myself. There are many people enduring the same pain as you. Find an AFSP chapter in your community, make use of the support they offer, and connect with other survivors of suicide loss. You may think that as a parent whose child took his or her life, you are on another planet, all by yourself: but there are many parents walking the same road. I’ve put this list together, from one parent to another, in the hope that it will be of some help to other parents who are just starting this journey. 20, 2019- For 20 years, I have been healing from the loss of my son to suicide. ![]()
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